The Joys of Summer Travel and Some Golden Rules

A recent flight out of Atlanta found me in an unusual spot.
The dreaded middle seat in coach.

I’m a middle child…it shouldn’t have bothered me…but it did.  One of the few perks left to being a Delta medallion frequent flyer is the luxury of not having to get stuck in a middle seat.  The middle seat has become the airline’s version of the penalty box.  “You’re not going to be a loyal flyer with us?  Here’s where you’ll sit”.  But let’s face it, flights are crowded these days.  Gone are the days of spacious, half-empty cabins…and sometimes, even for loyal flyers, the middle seat can’t be avoided.  Normally I’m a window guy, for four reasons…1) I like having a solid wall to rest my head (although recent events on Boeing jets makes me wonder just how solid those wall are)…2) I don’t like having my elbows hit by drink carts…3) My bladder still functions well enough to get me through most flights without having to inconvenience my seat mates…and 4) I actually still like looking out the window after all these years.

As we climbed to cruising altitude, I noticed the guy on my left watching Fox News on his TV, and the guy on my right watching CNN.  This seemed backwards to me and only added to my general discombobulated feeling being stuck in the middle.  I decided to keep my screen politically neutral…I kept it off.  And then it began.  All the little things we hate about flying.  First came the tapping behind my head.  The guy in the seat behind me clearly couldn’t decide what he wanted to watch so he was either channel surfing or movie browsing.  Either way, whatever he was doing, he was doing it with a very heavy finger.  Some people understand the subtle nuances of a touchscreen…some people don’t.  So while the back of my head was getting a vigorous finger massage, the guy in front of me decided he was going to enjoy every inch of space afforded to him by Delta and he performed a full seat recline.  Have you ever noticed when you recline your own airline seat, you can barely tell it’s reclined…yet when the person in front of you reclines, it looks like they have the “special” chair with extra recline?  This guy’s chair reclined so far back, I could’ve checked his teeth for cavities.

So with my airspace violated, and the back of my head being tapped like someone is sending me morse code, I began writing, in my own mind, the 10 Commandments of Air Travel…but I really only came up with 5 for now:

• Thou shalt not recline your seat – it’s not worth the extra 3 inches or extra 3 degree angle for your spine.  In this new Golden Age of Air Rage, I would venture to guess that most mid-air altercations start with the simple act of a reclined seat and they only escalate from there.
• Thou shalt not Power Tap the touchscreen in front of you – remember, there’s a human head just a few inches beyond your touchscreen.  Nobody needs to feel your finger taps when a soft screen swipe will suffice.  It seems like common sense, but I’m always amazed how uncommon common sense has become.  I have suggested to flight attendants that they should make this a part of their opening instructions to everyone, but so far no luck.  We all know how a seatbelt works…maybe swap that one out and replace it with touchscreen etiquette instead.
• Thou shalt not covet the middle seat’s arm rests – this actually is a Golden Rule to me.  The middle seat is cruel, no matter how you look at it.  The person stuck in that seat deserves both arm rests.  It’s that simple.  If you’re on the aisle or on the window, let them know that ahead of time and they will be eternally grateful.  And maybe, just maybe, the next time you’re stuck in the middle, the favor will be returned to you.  In my case, on this particular flight, it sadly wasn’t…so I had to play that game of unspoken bartering for arm space.  If the guy on my left suddenly moved his arm for a sneeze or a cough, I quickly claimed an extra inch or two.  Enough for the guy to notice, I’m sure, but not enough to start World War 3.
• Thou shalt check thy luggage – Always – and this is a big one for me.  I get a lot of strange looks and resistance when I bring this up with family and friends and co-travelers.  Everybody likes to know where their luggage is, and people have a general distrust of the whole baggage handling process.  I get it.  But the statistics bear it out, and the system bears it out.  Checking your luggage and having it fly in the vast empty space under the plane is safe, reliable, time-saving, and smart.  Yes, there are examples of horror stories.  I recently checked a bag in Buffalo going to Atlanta and it was mistakenly tagged and put on a flight to Malaysia through JFK.  It even changed airlines in South Korea.  I figured it was gone forever.  Even my Delta rep warned me of that possibility.  It took some persistence on my part through phone calls and a lot of waiting on hold, but, long story short, I had my luggage back in my possession within 8 days.  And on top of that, Delta compensated my inconvenience with $50 for each day it was missing.  $400!  They also awarded me with a bunch of free miles on my account.  That kind of compensation should tell you these things don’t happen that often.  Now, a big part of the problem is most airlines currently charge $30-$40 to check a bag, so this only adds fuel to the logic for carrying on.  This also needs to be reversed.  Airlines should encourage people to check bags by making it free.  Southwest does this.  In fact, I would argue that airlines should go the opposite direction and charge for the privilege to carry on a piece of luggage, since the entire airport system of boarding a plane and handling baggage is set up for people to simply check their luggage.  Just look at the boarding process as it stands now.  It’s slow.  It’s tedious.  It’s competitive.  It’s full of tension and unhappy faces.  Flight attendants hate it.  Passengers hate it.  People clamber to get on the plane as quickly as possible in order to get an overhead bin for their oversized carry-on luggage.  People’s tempers flare.  It gets ugly.  A lot of this could be avoided if airlines would allow for 1 free checked bag, and if people had more trust in the mostly-reliable baggage handling system already in place.

(On a Side Note: There is a sneaky trick that most people have not figured out yet.  If you’re able to get your suitcase to the gate, most airlines ask for volunteers to check the bag there…for FREE…and you’re also rewarded with early boarding.  Since I already get free baggage checking because of my medallion status, this doesn’t annoy me too much, but I would definitely be doing this little trick otherwise.  And there’s virtually no risk in your luggage not making it to your destination when it is checked at the gate.)

• Thou Shalt Fly the Friendly Skies – It used to be a marketing slogan for American Airlines, but now it’s more of a mission statement for all of us.  Especially during Summer months when we have that weird mix of vacationers and business travelers coexisting.  Being stuck in cramped quarters with a couple hundred people for a few hours sounds miserable…but it doesn’t have to be.  Be friendly with your seat mates…be patient with the boarding process…be tolerant of the infant kicking your seat…be kind to flight attendants.  Look for an opportunity to be friendly, and it’ll most likely be returned to you.

In short…Be Kind, Don’t Recline.